Everyday I wake up to the sound of a pink-clad infant stirring in a blue toile bassinet next to my bed. I slowly rise, rub my eyes that are probably still wearing their contact lenses (bad girl) and look at the infant. She is sort of crying, sort of smiling and is trying her darnedest to wiggle out of her blanket. I pick her up, set her on my bed and unwrap her tight swaddling. She stretches her arms, the arms with balled fists at the end. She turns her head to the side, sticking her chin in the air. And then she's ready to eat.
I make my way down the stairs and into the kitchen, turn the faucet on to get the warm water running. Bottle is filled, formula is measured, cap tightened and I shake it gently as I go into the laundry room to put the laundry in the dryer. Now back up the stairs. By now, Violet has fussed enough to wake up her daddy dearest. He has picked her up, set her on his chest and she has fallen back to sleep. Now would be my chance for a shower. So I quickly get in the shower and by the time I am out, Violet has woken again and is ready to eat.
As I feed her, my mind wanders. I wonder if this will be the day, the day my groove returns. The day I can get it all done the way I want it done. The laundry, the park, breakfast, lunch, dinner, makeup, hair, mop floor, rub husband's tired feet. Will today be the day I have been waiting for?
I should be saying that although the house is littered with toys and pretzels, I am just enjoying my children and we are staying in our jammies and reading books and making cookies. That isn't me. I can't pretend it is. I like order, schedules, clean, organized, wiped, folded, vacuum lines. I am a better mother and wife when I can get things done that way. 7 years of marriage and 3 children have proven that about me.
So everyday, I hope this is the day it all comes back. It is slow going, but it's coming. I can feel it.
15 comments:
Well, I like this 'out-of-groove' Whitney. Thanks for sharing the realities of being a new mom. And, yeah, that baby totally makes me want one of my own. Thanks for that...
i love you. we are so much a like in certain areas.
and, to hear you say "her" over and over makes me so happy. so used to you saying "him".
i'd come vacuum your house for you if you wanted. but, i know that if you're anything like me, you don't want someone else to help you out, you just want your groove back:)
she's darling, can't leave this comment without adding that.
alike.
i meant alike.
You'll get there. And in the meantime you could not have more impeccable reasons (that pink one in particular is adorable). You'll get there, may just be a little bit at a time.
You'll get there I'm sure of it. Slowly but surely. :)
~ingrid
i totally hear you. i'm the exact same way. every once and awhile, i enjoy a lazy day, but i'm a huge fan of order.
i don't think it's a bad thing ... He commanded us to create a house of order, didn't He?
I'm with you. Who can relax in chaos? But on a positive note, I just made your bacon sausage lasagna and my husband and I wanted to drink the sauce out of a cup with a straw, but were worried the chunks of bacon might get caught. Thanks for the recipe! May sanity and order come fast... I love babies, but you're thoughts provide decent birthcontrol for me.
Grace.
Keep giving yourself lots of it.
You'll be in your groove soon.
or you can be like me and change my definition of my own groove for the time being.
I figure in a month or so I'll start the schedules that we thrive and live by over at our house as well.
So fun to see how similar our lives are at the moment. Makes me wish we were neighbors *sigh*
p.s. Anna Ugapo said she saw you at the sealing...still think it's such a small world.
This was an answer to a prayer today. Thank you for reminding me that I am not alone.
Okay, I hate to say it, but there are days when I can't find my groove! You'll have yours as well, but I guess that if you can acknowledge that it's missing and konw it will find it's way back you're good!
This is you OUT of your groove? Dang, what will you be like when you're IN?
Isn't my wife totally rad? I know... It's a sweetassweet deal for me. I'm told that all the time!
Ethan, did you really just say sweetassweet?
I can so relate to this right now. I had my second baby May 3 and every day I wake up feeling the same way. I always plan on getting up earlier than the baby so I can shower or do other things around the house but it's only happened once so far (today, actually!) I just have the itch to keep up with the cleaning and organization but I either don't have the time or if I do, I don't have the energy. It really bugged me at first to let my toddler be in her pj's for most of the day on some days, but I just had to let it go. I'm currently waiting for my groove to come back as well... It is getting better, slowly. Hope things are getting back to normal for you!
Becca
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