Monday, September 22, 2008

Barf Town

If there was a “Bad Night At The Movies” contest, I doubt anyone else would win but me. There isn’t any possible way that another person could beat the rotten, terrible time Ethan and I had at the movies.

Ethan has a busted up foot. Because his foot is busted up, he can’t really go anywhere. That results in him getting grouchy and bored. He would go places, but crutching around is hard work. Seeing his plight, I went and rented a wheelchair. Since he now had transportation, I thought, “Hmmm, poor Ethan. I think I will take him to a movie.” So I called my babysitter extraordinaire (who shall remain nameless, so as to keep her away from anyone else), and Fandango-ed some tickets to “Ghost Town“.

First, went to the gas station to buy candy and refreshment. We then headed to the movie theater. Lucky that we have a handicap pass so that we get to be front row, eh? I wheeled Ethan into the theater and we got comfortable and enjoyed the movie thoroughly.

Movie finishes and we both make bathroom pit stops. I then wheel Ethan out to car and pull out my car keys. Oh wait, no I didn’t. There were no car keys. Where were my gosh darn car keys!? Well, they weren’t in my purse and they weren’t in my pocket. Next best thing would be to check the bathroom and movie seats. So I wheel Ethan back into the movie theater so that I can go find my keys. Well, once again, no keys. (Insert your own preferred cuss word).

Now we call our neighbor Katie. “Katie, we lost our keys. Could you please scare the living day lights out of our babysitter and go knock on our door at 10:00 at night and ask for the spare key?” Darling Katie did just that and let us know she was on her way.

Then comes the waiting. I park wheeled Ethan next to the car and put on his parking break. As I am leaning up against our car, a group of ruffians walks by. No farther than five feet away, a drunken ruffian proceeds to throw up, right in front of us. When in tense, stressful situations, I have zero fear and tact. As she was barfing up her dinner, I said, “Gross! Why did you have to do that right there?! That is disgusting!!!” She looked at me as she wiped her drunken mouth and walked away. Ethan of course, flipped that parking break so fast and bolted across the parking lot. Had I have known he could actually wheel himself around, I wouldn’t have been pushing him all night. I figured we could find a better place for him to chill out, so I walked across the parking lot to retrieve my gimp and move him to a better spot.

As I am pushing him, he starts freaking out. “Whitney! Uh um, no! Stop you-! Just stop!” What was the big problem? I kept walking- right into the pile of barf. Yes, I walked right into drunken girl’s regurgitated supper. Oh, you wouldn’t believe the swear words flying out of my pretty little mouth. I immediately flipped my flip flops off and left them behind. Ethan, in the meantime, is beyond flabbergasted, mostly over the words that flowed out of my mouth like sweet honey.

So here I am, pushing my gimp husband, barefoot. Quite a sight to see. We wheel over to the corner of the building and I promptly slump down against the building to wallow in my sorrow. As I am busy wallowing over my favorite summer flip flops being sacrificed to the barf, a group of obnoxious teenagers begins to form. They are getting louder and closer and more annoying. Ethan then says, “Whitney, get up, they are fighting!” Sure enough, the loitering teenagers are no longer loitering but they are beating each other up! Punches are being throw out like candy in a parade and no one is stopping them. Once again, in tense stressful situations, my fear isn’t apparent. I yelled, “I am calling the police right now! You guys had better knock it off!” (Someone please tell me why I have the nerve to say such things) I suppose that a 20-something, mother-of-two scares a group of fighting teenagers because they all stopped and dispersed.

By now, the security guards have shown up and are ready for some action. Too bad you missed it fellas, I took care of the problem myself, even while barefoot. Movie theater manager comes outside and apologizes profusely for our terrible time at his movie theater. Ethan, being the man that he is, asks for free movie passes and Mr. Manager obliges.

After all the drama, neighbor Katie shows up with my keys. We get in the car and drive home. What was the first thing I did when I got home? Got in the shower and scrubbed my feet and ankles.

So do I win?
There isn’t any way that anyone else
could have a worse time at the movies.


Tricia said...

You totally win. That is disgusting.....and I can't think of anything worse except if she barfed ON you. That is so nasty. That dumb girl.

Sorry you had to sacrifice your shoes......but you gave me a good laugh this morning.

Good job breaking up the fight too!

silver lining? nice neighbor, good babysitter, ethan can wheel himself. :)

elizabeth bryant said...

Wow, I would like to give you an award for being brave, patient, sassy and most of all, hilarious.

I love, love, love your blog. Never stop!

P.S. Someday, I would like to meet you. Would that be OK?

Shanicherie said...

You know that your sister barfed right in front of me, almost on my feet, right? It was gross. But I still love her. Yes, you win. And was that movie good? Do you recommend it?

Sweet Pea Chef said...

That takes the cake. Hands down. Ewww.

Kelly said...

Wow, what a night! You know, I too have a hard time keeping my mouth shut in those type of situations. I was just coming over to your blog to give you an Excellent Blog award when I read this award-worthy story. Perfect timing! Thanks for having a great blog.

sue ;-P said...

I've spent a lot of dang time in movie lines. The one experience I remember most is when I was standing in line for Star Trek-Generations.

It was COLD and I was outside the theater on University Ave in Provo. I remember is snowed a bit and we (me and other loonies like myself) were waiting for tickets on the sidewalk. I think I was about 10th in line and had waited for about 4 hours (it might have been 3, but 4 sounds better).

By the time the box office opened, the line was down the block and around the corner. It is worthy to note that I was probably one of the oldest in line.

I bought my tickets, and trying to be a smarty pants, I turned to the long line of 'waitees' and waved my tickets at them (I was buying for Lora as well, of course), to rub their faces in the fact I had a ticket and they didn't.

Immediately after I waved the tickets, I took a misstep and fell into the wet/snowy/slushy gutter right there on University and Center in front of 500 BY-Zoobies.

What an idiot.

Then there was the time I went to the indoor kiosk at Prove Towne Center theaters lobby to pre-buy tickets to something, and felt very smug because I was able to walk right past the long line of people waiting for the box office and swipe my credit card for tickets at the kiosk.

Right after retrieving my tickets from the machine, I turned to leave and walked smack into a glass wall - loud enough for the long line of people waiting at the box office to turn and see what had happened.

I left a lip and nose print on the glass and came home with a swollen lip, sore nose and demolished dignity.

But, considering all that, you still win, Whit.

cat+tadd said...

Shannon, you were honored, admit it. Love ya! I think Mom MIGHT win, except that you did walk through barf. So nasty. So, win. I kinda wish Ethan had a cane or crutch to throw at the girl. CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU THIS WEEK!

MamaDonna said...

I love you Whitney. You have the same contempt for stupid people that I do and just like me you are not afraid to open your mouth and let them know. Kudos and keep it up!

Jones Family said...

That was an amazing story! Kevin would have asked for movie tickets too. You guys are one dynamic duo. At least you had an exciting date.

You definitely need a pedicure.

Morgan said...

hands down.
i always thought you were bold.
breaking up teenagers. you rock. i think...
poor flip flops:(

Jodi Jean said...

oh man, sorry whitney!! that totally sucks!! and you had to sacrifice your flip flops to barf ... EWWW!!!

Caitlin said...

Hi! I just found your blog and I am SO excited about it! I love it! I had to comment on this one...because EEEWW! That is nasty and sucky. Was the puke warm? No, don't tell me. I too have turned into a tough gal now that I have a baby. I tell pre-teens / teens all the time that "you shouldn't be doing that!" or "does your mom know that you're out here?!" I have become that lady. Anywhoo, keep up the good work- I can't wait to try your recipes!!

rookie cookie said...

To all of you, yes, I know, I am brave, sassy, grossed out and I still feel nasty.

Elizabeth, lets do meet.