Tuesday, December 2, 2008

WANTED: Friends for Ethan and Whitney

Okay, we are ready to have friends. We have lived in "The 'Tah" for a few weeks now and are ready to hang out with someone besides our kids and my family (no offense. We really do love you.)

Do you want to be our friends? I promise we are good friends and we are really funny. If you want to apply for our friendship, here is the following criteria.

1. You have to like food. We really enjoy spending way too much money on dinner at a nice restaurant.

2. You can’t judge me when I say “hell” or when Ethan says “damn”. We swear and we like it. And we consider ourselves to be pretty good at it. But rest assured, we don’t drop the “F” bomb. We both detest that cuss word.

3. You have to have access to a babysitter. We like to go out on the weekends to get away from our children, and everyone else’s. We are absolutely in love with our kids, but we were here before they were. So if you want to hang out with us, you can’t bring your kids, although I am sure they are quite charming.

4. You have to like going to the movies. That is kind of protocol for date night for us. We don’t do bowling or mini golf. We eat popcorn, drink diet Coke and watch movies.

5. Wife, you have to have stretch marks. I almost detest people that don’t get stretch marks when they are pregnant. I would rather not know you than hate you.

6. We can’t play board games. While I like them, Ethan really doesn’t. And if I am being totally honest, I cheat. So you really don’t want to play board games with us.

7. You can't use us for our handicap parking placard. Ethan earned it fair and square. It will be us who gets front row parking, not you.

There you have it. If you want to be our friends you have to meet the above criteria. Otherwise, don’t bother. I am sure you will find some other super fantastic people to befriend.


My crazy crazy life said...

Well I don't live in Utah, and your criteria is pretty steep, but you sound EXACTLY like me and my husband. Good luck on your friend ventures. Your husband's face in that picture is killing me...hilarious! Not sure how that is going to work for you when they get a gander at that dude with the scary face in the pink outfit.
You guys are too cute!

M said...

I just have to say that that my favorite part about this post is that it is labeled under "sweet nothings"....LOL!

Tricia said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tricia said...

sorry about removing my comment. i thought about it, and wondered if my brother would not appreciate me putting his blog out there with an invitation to stalk. lol.

let me know if you want me to hook you up on a blind date with a nice couple who are related to me who don't live far from you. :)

Rae said...

I'm still laughing from this post!! Absolutely HYSTERICAL!!!! I would totally apply to be your friend but A: we're on the other side of the country and B: I'm burning in hell...remember?

P.S. It is sooooooooooo nice to meet another "member" who says hell and damn!

lizzy said...

I want to be your friend so badly! When we were in Utah last week, I seriously wanted to look you up but thought it might be weird of me. But I think we are super compatible for the following reasons:

1. "Has to like food". Seriously?Moving on . . .
2. A little "hell" and "damn" never hurt anybody . . . unless you've been damned to hell . . . and then it's all over.
3. No kids* = no babysitter. *subject to change
4. We have a NetFlix account and get our money's worth. Proof enough?
5. I have stretch marks without even a good excuse for them (see criteria explanation #3). If that doesn't make you want to be friends with me for self-esteem reaons, I don't know WHAT will!
6. Board games . . . I guess I can live without 'em. I've been doing it for a while now since my husband is annoyingly competitive anyway. The only game I really like is Scrabble anyway and he's an atroscious speller.

In conclusion, we could be soul mates. Too bad you live in another state. Seriously, TOO BAD!

lizzy said...

P.S. I said "seriously" 3 times too many in that last comment. Seriously annoying.

Melissa said...

Well, Rookie, it sounds pretty easy to be your friends. It is hard to find people to hang with because you and your hubby both have to like who you hang with. My hubby's only real criteria is that the guys he calls his pals are easy going and like sports. We do love movies and we do love to eat. I also have to say thanks for posting your chocolate chip cookie recipe because I LOVE it. So anyway, if you are really looking for cool people, look us up. runningreeses.blogspot.com

Marie Stott said...

We fit all of those requirements. Please pick us. Plus we have lost all of our other friends to money or Graduate schools. We are poor and uneducated, but Pete is a pseudo-cook, we love food, and we are movie snobs. I think we would be a pretty good fit. Plus how cute would Jack and Cora be in love :)

Marie Stott said...

P.S Plus we have tons of free movie passes from the days at the Skin. We could work out a trade, movies for handicap pass :) We will carpool of course.

Kasey said...

I come out of the shadows and blurk no more. I've been getting recipes from your blog for several weeks now. I'm addicted. I think I wound up on your blog by way of cJane, Lizzy Writes, etc.

Too bad we live in Arkansas (although we lived in UT county for 10 years prior to this move).

*Almost every date involves dinner and/or a movie.
*Hell and Damn are in my vocabulary too...I try to refrain my usage of these words when teaching primary.
*We're DINKs (dual income no kids) - for now - no sitter required.
*My husband has stretch marks! Does that qualify?
*No board games, but we do like a good game of Rock Band (because I sell video games and we are hooked up)
*Damn you and your parking placard! :) LOL

Buffy Bandley said...

Oh my... How did I miss this post? Stretch marks? I am laughing hysterically!

Jamie Hyde said...

You know I will always be your Friend...But I have to tell you some thing, I don't get stretch marks, so does that mean you are going to re-think our friendship?

Julie said...

This is really funny! :)

Katie said...

Where in utah?
we live in slc.
we fit all the requirements
we desire friends also!
email me!

Kalli Ko said...

uh... I'm a little late on this but I think you should really consider us as friends.

a. we meet ALL requirements. plus we're really really ridiculously good looking and so are you. good looking people should hang out.

b. we like swearwords too. not only are they appropriate, but fun to say as well.

c. we are in need of good "couple" friends. our neighbors...not so much. our ward friends, not so much either.

d. i don't really know how much longer i can carry this on. so go look at my blog (maybe a peek through the archives) and then decide for yourself. then maybe we can arrange for a trial date. i'm just sayin', this could work.

bird on the lawn said...

i am going back through your old post putting together a MUST MAKE list. and I just realized that I never commented here. I have stretch marks now...want to be friends? oh yeah and we cuss, aren't board game fans, and agree that while we love Harp more than most things, we too were here first.

Brian and Niki said...

We could be friends. My sister and your sister are already friends, so that makes it even easier. I had stretch marks before I even gave birth. We just moved too, so are searching for people to hang out with. We live in Sandy, so close enough to happy valley.