UPDATE 10/24: Here is a paragraph with a whole bunch of "ifs". If you clicked over to this post looking for the controversial comments from a unsolicited social-worker and my fiery sister, you aren't going to find it here. Seeing as this isn't a parenting blog, I deleted them. This may be a public blog, but it is still my blog and I can decide what I want put on it. If you are looking for my sister Megan's post on this and you are one of my regular readers, you know where to find her. Her's is a blog specializing in controversy so go read up about this over there. If you are here from some random parenting message board, I hope you like to cook because this is a food blog. If you are here to put in your two cents, don't worry about it. Comments are closed. And if I get any e-mails regarding this post, me poking my eyes out of my head will be your fault.
Whilst I was away on my weekend getaway sans children and spouse, I got a phone call from Ethan. He sounded frantic.
"We have some parenting to do right now. Jack was smothering Van on the couch and so we are now in the car on our way to the police station so he can get a new family because he obviously doesn't want to be in ours. I even packed his bags." (He really did. Full effect is important.)
(Wailing of the Jack brand is commencing in the background)
Ethan explained to me all of Jack's sins. They were pretty bad. And did merit a big scare that only Ethan and I can concoct. And Ethan didn't disappoint.
I asked Ethan if I could talk to Jack. Jack was put on the phone and we chatted. We talked about what it means to be a big brother and what is acceptable and what's not.
"Do you want to be in our family? Do you need a new one? Because if you can't be nice to our family, you will have to go to jail until the police can find you a new one. You will be in jail and you will miss out on Primary (church), preschool and Halloween. So you need to decide if you want to be kind and be in our family."
(Wailing) "I do! I do! I am sorry!! I love my brother!"
And then comes the part where I get nice.
"Jack, we love you and we think you are fun and smart. We like having you in our family. I need you to try harder to be nicer to your brother. He is a baby and you are a big boy. Please try harder because I want you to be in our family forever."
"Okay Mom, I will be nice. I love you."
And it seemed to do the trick. Ethan said he was a sweet, kind little boy from then on. The question is, how long will it last? And at what point will I need to actually convince a cop to play along? And at what point will I get an e-mail from some enraged reader telling me that Ethan and I are crappy parents? Hey, sometimes you need some comedy when it comes to parenting, even if it is at your child's expense.